Hey there :)
Long time, no update.
I don't really have time for a long, in-depth blog post right about now, or energy, for that matter. It's been a really harsh day with the emotions - they just won't leave me alone. It's the Full Moon, I tell you. It does things to me - I was born under a Full Moon in Pisces, a pretty strong position for the Moon to be in. I have a lot of homework to finish for Cohn's class tomorrow, but I wanna get this out before I go any further into anything else. It's a substitute for the prayer I've been neglecting (purposefully) to do these days. I'm a little scared of what God has to say, which I feel inside myself.
So, anyway, here goes:
I'm grateful for God. I'm grateful for restlessness - it pushes you, ideally, into doing something about the shit that's not working in your life. I'm grateful for the way that looks - "lessness". Loch ness. Lame ness. I'm grateful for school. I'm grateful I get to go there and learn from teachers who know a lot about their areas of expertise, and are friendly and nice to me at the same time. I'm grateful I get to communicate with my classmates, and the people there. I'm grateful for Andy, the counsellor who's listening to my depression stories, and the things burdening me. I'm grateful that he's patient, and sunny, and doesn't yell at me or put me down or judge me to my face. He does his job right. I'm grateful for people who decide to live life with honesty and integrity. I'm grateful for my personal moral code. I'm grateful for making mistakes. I'm grateful for being lucky. I'm grateful for getting away with certain things thus far. That's only by God's grace. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful for my mother's health, and psychological wellbeing, and inspirational strength. Keeps me going, too. My Leo mother - exactly like the Sun. Uranus is relentlessly dark, cold, and cheerless, but the Sun is warm and dignified. The luminescence to my night. Enough. I'm grateful for my brother's improving health. I'm grateful he misses me. I miss you, too, baby. I'm grateful I don't have any deformities in my body, especially any that prevent me from running around. I'm grateful for beauty. I'm grateful for attractiveness. I'm grateful, at times, for repulsiveness. If you can repel the wrong sorts of people by some natural quirk, go for it. I'm grateful this isn't making sense to me anymore. I'm grateful for not making sense. I'm grateful for predictability, especially in others - "predictable" cannot always be said about me. I'm grateful for inner strength. I'm grateful for good friends. I'm grateful for being good with words. I'm grateful for the stuff I've written so far. I'm grateful for the chance to write. I'm grateful for people who support my writing. I'm grateful for living in Prague. I'm grateful for my looney laugh. I'm grateful for straight teeth. I'm grateful for red hair. I'm grateful for Patrick Sean Bradley's beautiful voice touching my emotions. "If music be the food of love, play on." I'm grateful for good rappers. I'm grateful for internet. I'm grateful for the decision I made to deactivate Facebook for a while. I'm grateful I changed the name of this blog to "The Curious Eggplant" - the name will probably get changed every once in a while. I'm grateful for my job. I'm grateful I can find work doing what I'm good at, and what I'm interested in. I'm grateful for belief. I'm grateful for resilience. I'm grateful for weakness. I'm grateful for chances to learn. I'm grateful for people who don't believe in me. I don't know why, I just am. I'm grateful for the fact that I haven't shut down emotionally, despite all that's happened in my life to try and push me down that way. I'm grateful I still believe in the beauty and vision of my dreams. I'm grateful I haven't let my childish side die - it's been said that the tragedy of life is not death, but the death of all the little hopes and joys and manifestations of faith that we let go of along the way to the grave. I'm grateful I breathe normally. I'm grateful for my friendship with H. I'm grateful for all those years we spent. Sometimes not together in mind, sure. But in soul, all the time. At the same time, I'm grateful that's over. I'm grateful for moving on. I'm grateful for letting go. I'm grateful for challenge. I'm grateful for money. I'm grateful for helpful neighbors and people. I'm grateful that Pope Benedict quit. I'm grateful for spontaneously sweet people. I'm grateful for good hugs. I'm grateful for real smiles. I'm grateful for being REAL. That's the best thing about me - I've allowed myself to be real, which is something not many people allow. I'm grateful for being old. I'm grateful for being young. I'm grateful for wisdom. For naivete. I'm grateful for glasses. I'm grateful for lips. I'm grateful for all the sexy PEOPLE in the world. I'm grateful for cute animals. Also, I'm grateful for vegetables, and Rumi's wise words.
I'm grateful for a lot of things. I think once you put aside your unhappiness, lust, passion, remorse, shame, fear, guilt, or whatever it is you're going through, and see the bigger picture of things in your life (which, oddly enough, comes from examining details, little snippets of joy existent within your world, external and internal), you can be content, over time - if not un-sad, un-blue, un-depressed, then at least content. It's not perfect, but it's a start. Gets you away from the individual trees - despite the decay and rot of trees and greenery that goes on day to day on the forest floor, the forest sure is a sight, isn't it?
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about."
- My friend Rumi.
Blessed be your nights and days - pray to God. There is no safety or strength save in God, whatever that means to you.
Signed, your friendly Water Bearer. Bearing water since 1994. Eighteen beautiful years, baby. What a ride it's been :)
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