Halloa blog readers :))
In-depth blog post coming your way - it's been a while, since the start of the month, to be exact, since I've written anything here. I hope you guys have been having a topsy-turvy, zany, and mystical Aquarian/Piscean month, and the Moon is Full once again tonight, and is traveling through the Virgo zone of the zodiac. Solar Virgos (myself included - I found out today that Jeremy Irons is a solar Virgo - sweet) should feel the influence of this particular Full Moon in full force - this Full Moon placement will have the strongest effect on those born under mutable stars (Virgo, Pisces, Sagittarius, and Gemini). Under the moon in Virgo influence, communication, details, minor physical pains, altruism, and criticism geared towards perfecting what ought to be perfected can be recurring themes throughout the Full Moon days. Personally, I felt this Full Moon influence quite violently and persistently yesterday. Today it seems to have calmed down a bit. The evening is young, though. We'll see ;)
I'm not here to harp on about the way the moon is looking, though. Today I'll be talking about happiness - I'm particularly interested in suggesting practical, doable tips for maintaining a durable sense of joy in your life.
What does it mean to be happy? I've heard so many people claim "I just want to be happy" as one of their major life goals. If by "be happy" you mean the achievement of a more-or-less permanent good mood, with the rose-colored glasses happily donned throughout most life moments, let me burst your bubble. Gently. But nevertheless, this bubble needs to POP. What you are wishing for, my friend, is the attainment of the Holy Grail. How can you be emotionally a-okay all the time? It's never happened to me, so maybe someone ought to explain to me how that works - except it doesn't. When you don't have sad moments in your life, when you don't go under into the blue, you lose the standard by which you measure that feel-good high we call "happiness" - "when you have everything, what do you have? You have nothing", to quote the Italian photographer Francesco Scavullo. The pursuit of that variety of happiness is not something you can build a life on. And let me tell you, when you throw depression into the mix, it's really not so easy to just "feel good".
Before I go any further, I should mention that I'm speaking from the point of view of someone who's been clinically depressed, and continues to have lapses into melancholia. Therefore, if this blog post seems to be geared towards helping people who are currently depressed in their lives, or have been at some point and are worried about a relapse, it is.
I should mention I've been blue on the inside for a while now; this blue state hasn't, so far, tip-toed into one the episodes I've had before. I can say the last time I felt seriously depressed was in September of 2012. After that, the cloud lifted considerably for a time, only to resettle eventually, as I figured it would, but at a higher distance above my head, and with a decreased annual precipitation and thunderstorm rate. To those of you who have had to endure depression relapses, I feel for you - this is an extremely relapse-prone disorder.
Which brings me to my next point - disorder. Depression is a disorder, for God's sake. I absolutely hate it when people tell me, "Well, just try to be happy." That makes me fume internally because guess what? I DO try. Lately I've been actively fighting it - the tips for which I will list below in a bit - but the thing is, "to run isn't always to reach". The blueness can be too heavy sometimes, and is regulated by factors out of your immediate control - like hormones, for instance. Or a neurotransmitter imbalance where the nervous system synapses are concerned. Another loophole - chronic, recurring depression is more often than not connected with an anxiety disorder of some sort - in my case, it's been a variant of OCD and bipolar disorder, which run in the family to a degree. Factor in the dilemmas of everyday life, and some more pressing, deep-natured problems on the side, and seeing the silver lining can become pretty challenging, to say the least.
But nevertheless, I'm not an advocate of long-term moping. You can only mope for so long before you decide to give happiness a shot - basically, what I'm saying is that you really do need to "try to be happy", except I'm saying it in a sincere sense, not in the dismissive way people usually give that advice. The very wording of that statement suggests there is work involved in becoming "happy" - if you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain. Not only put up with it, but slog through it, and get the bottoms of your jeans dirty from crashing through the slush as a passing-by car splotches you with water from a puddle on the street. People, myself previously included, tend to romanticize happiness as an experience that just happens - almost like a gift from the Heavens. And it is a gift from the Heavens, in some way. Because the Heavens have gifted man with intellect, and the ability to change, to an extent, the things in man's life that hinder man's functioning and prevent him/her from attaining a more perfect, higher state than the present one.
What I'm saying is, lasting "happiness", which, to me, can be defined as an acquired ability to control and channel depressive thoughts and tendencies, has a practical basis. There are little things you can do to manage depression and make life easier on yourself. I believe when you convert those principles into practices, the gray, black, and blue colors will fade out, one shade at a time, until you're able to look situation X (depression, for example) in the face, and say to yourself, "Okay, this is X. I know X, because I've learned to recognize it. X isn't working for me - I have the power and the practical tools to change X to Y. And if X is a constant K at value Lifetime, at least now I know the way to deal, and to create my own hopeful beginnings and terminations."
Without further machinations, here are my tips for keeping happines in your life >.>
a) Don't just accept, but make peace with, your current state of being, financial, physical, spiritual, or otherwise. "I will love you through it." Laissez-passer. A word of advice a doctor once shared with me, meaning "let it pass". Don't push yourself to be happy. Just work through the current situation, one step at a time.
b) Wear lively colors. When I was seventeen, I got hit by one of the most stubborn and emotionally oppressive periods of depression I have been through in my life - I'm a bright-color enthusiast, but when that happened, I lost a lot of self-confidence and dressed in drab variants of black and gray. Then one day, I had to put on a white dress and pink rose-shaped earrings for a play I was in. An absolutely ridiculous (delightfully so) get-up, I'm convinced, to this day - but the effect on my mood and persona was noticeable right away, not just to me. My co-actor R beamed at me and said, "Wow. You look beautiful. Fresh colors suit you." And I felt like my proper self again, not some depressed old lady. You don't have to go overboard with color, like I do, if that's not your thing. But just spruce up your clothes-palette a little - or wear something amusing, like mismatched socks or sparkly eyeshadow. Keep it within your comfort zone, and it will boost your mood, trust me.
c) Eat well. I'm not saying pig out. That leads to a set of problems - anorexia nervosa and bulimia come to mind. But don't, under any circumstances, deprive yourself. Stay healthy, make sure you have your greens, proteins, and all the good stuff in between, but save room for dessert, figuratively (and literally speaking). "Dessert last" is my motto - but there will be dessert.
d) Get an amount of sleep that's suitable for your body. Some people need more than seven hours of sleep per night, others can function just fine on less. But I'd say, aim for six. When you don't sleep enough, your decision-making faculties become impaired, and there's a higher chance to act on impulse and do something stupid and detrimental to your well-being in some way. That would make me more depressed, at least. Plus, your brain cells need sleep to regenerate, and work on getting the nasty thoughts under control. Sleep is a gift because it closes chapters for you that, were they permanently open, would make life too grim to bear.
e) Limit your interaction with technology. I'm not saying de-activate your Facebook account, like I did (for a while, anyway), but don't social-network more than you have to. Answer your necessary e-mails, Tweets, fb messages, Skype calls and such, and then turn off the computer, put away the Smartphone, let the TV sit on it, and revert to something more organic.
f) Have a hobby that you're interested in. Ideally, it would be something you're passionate about. But, believe it or not, I've met people in my life who aren't passionate about anything - that terminology hasn't been printed down in their Dictionary of Coldness, ever. But do something that gets you out of yourself, while still helping you to work on yourself and build self-esteem and confidence. Hobbies that work towards such goals are usually sports- and creativity-oriented, as opposed to "stamp-collecting" (but if that works for you, enjoy it - I won't stop you, as long as it works).
g) Don't isolate yourself emotionally. Let at least one person know what you're up against - this softens the shameful edge I've found silent suffering to be cornered with, and it enables the other person to monitor your behavior if necessary. That way, if things get really severe, to the point that you feel suicidal, someone knows, and can stop you in your tracks if they suspect you're up to something deadly. But don't pick just anyone - preferably this would be a trusted adult, if you're a teen or kid reading this, or a good friend, family member, lover, etc.
h) Interact with good friends. I'm not talking about a large circle of shallow friendships, but one or two really good life companions who can see your tears, stomach your secrets, and uplift you with their loyalty and positivity. If you hang around negative people, or worse, boxed-in folks (a special strand of negativity in itself), you're not going to feel positive and bubbly and excited about life, that's for sure. And if your friends try to get in the way of you and your positive outlook, then screw them - they're not the type of friends you want to have around, anyway.
i) HAVE FUN. Be nice to your inner child, and don't ignore her or him. Way to know if an activity (or lack thereof) is "fun": the purpose of the something in question is nothing other than to bring pleasure to yourself. Watching an educational movie can be entertaining, but it isn't necessarily pure FUN. A round on the swings - that doesn't serve a productive sort of purpose, but it brings a good deal of pleasure. Being affectionate with your pet dog is fun, too. Sex and partying are different matters. I don't qualify those as "fun" - too many undercurrents involved.
j) Give, give, give. The Universe and yourself are in a constant state of flux, and exchange amongst yourselves. Don't keep in what the Universe has bestowed upon you. Share with your brothers and sisters. Do charitable work. Communicate your ideas. Split your sandwich with that homeless person you pass by every day as you go to work. Eliminate prejudice from your heart, fill it with compassion, and bingo - you're on a surefire path to XtaC.
k) Get in touch with the spiritual. Personally, I'm a believer in God, the tangible, everyday reality of energetic vibrations between myself and the Universe, past-life experiences and, to a lesser extent, the paranormal. Sharpen your intuition. Question. Seek knowledge, and believe. Pray to the world you live in - feel deeply the linkage between you and the trees, birds, and waters. As the world "advances" (in the material sense, only in the material sense), we get more depressed as a bunch of creatures. I wonder why. Please don't start telling me there's no proof as to God's existence - that's common, and an irrational belief in itself. It's the stupid stuff television and the media brainwashes the young generation with - "rationalism", indeed. If you're really a seeker, and seek with open eyes and heart, not like a half-blinded sheep, you'll be able to read the signs. What you make of those confirmations of the Universal Power is up to you, though.
Caution:
l) Hang around children. I've heard and read that advice when it comes to improving a depressed state. This can be problematic, as hanging around children will highlight your sense of isolation and "difference" from the madding crowd, and might push you into your brooding state even more. Also, kids can be cruel. Tread carefully with this one.
m) Have sex. A common symptom for diagnosing depression is loss of libido. If you're feeling shitty about yourself and your body, pushing through sexual activity is likely to push your self-esteem and joy levels down further. Also, certain Venus and Mars signs are inequipped for dealing with casual sex. Usually, people with Venus in a mutable sign (Virgo, Pisces, Sagittarius, Gemini) are better able to treat sex like having a glass of juice. As for moi, my Venus is in Scorpio (that's fixed Water) - sex? Casual? More like the meaning of life and death, aside from being an intense spiritual communion with the Higher Power. I've noticed that men with Venus in Virgo (the sacred prostitute), and women with Venus in Pisces (the fallen angel), tend towards promiscuity. I had a friend with Venus in Virgo, and I promise you he changed girls every two days. Totally beyond me. Scorpio-dominant girl has spoken.
Well, friends, that's all I'm disposed to say at the moment. I'm really SLEEPY, and I'm going to take my own advice and get a good night's sleep, which I didn't manage to achieve yesterday. Here's wishing you health, contentment, peace, and a sprinkling of radost.
Questions? Comments? Your go-to agony aunt, at this address: bemgcasrbaquarian@gmail.com
Sweet dreams.
Signed, your friendly Water Bearer.
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