Hey there :))
SO... I really don't feel like psyching myself out with more of that histrionic babble I do here on this blog, except I feel like this next post, as with most things related to me, will come out histrionic or bi-polar in some way or other... well, fuck a moose. It's a snuggly evening here in Prague, and seeing how my bitchy cats are all in the Middle East being catty about coming on Skype and infusing me with some of their snuggliness, I'm on the other side of the Universe on the computer, in hermit mode, blogging some craziness. If that last statement reeks of some kinda sadness, I'm guessing you're right.
Gosh, it's just crazy to be on the other side of the world, when you've left your heart someplace else. Some moments, like this one, fill me with so much longing. And what's really bitter is that you know what you're longing for is a romanticized illusion of a past that you never quite experienced the way your optimistic mind likes to remember it. Damn, must everything be a mirage? Am I truly so blind? Beirut isn't what I think she is - this is a lady of many secrets, with many layers to her veil and robe. Do I understand anything?
Never mind. No going around in circles. That gets you nowhere. I'll just be thankful, and write it down in this blog post. That's it. Simple. No complication. Nothing is complicated. Everything is neutral, it's the filter we see things through that can either burn us or uplift us. So, here goes this simple act of thankfulness and appreciation to whoever/whatever tugs the heartstrings of my life along. It doesn't matter who reads this, or if it makes sense, or if it sounds stupid, or smart. Whatever. It's good to release what's in your heart. Be open. Be wretched, and clingy, and ruthless, and a little crazy, and careless, and wild, and revel in the reality of things. This is what you are. Isn't it liberating? Scoundrels shouldn't act like gentlemen, and gentlemen would never dream of acting like scoundrels in the first place. Be what you are. Be a good whore, an exquisite dreamer, a staunch conservative, a flaming idealist. Stay true to the internal essence, to the driving fire within, and in this way you ensure your survival through the many crises that are bound to come into your life. If there's a disconnect from the core of your being, what the hell is going to keep your chin up through those inevitable times of disillusionment, and opposition from the world?
Anyway, here is a list of all the places, trinkets, people, chairs, and all the jazz I am thankful for. Be grateful for what you have, and you'll always end up with infinity. Positive vibrations expand you along with the Universe. How are you going to find an agreeable fate for yourself if you're constantly mousey and fearful about "what if"s? You'll scare away any good energy by being that way. Tooooo much talking. Le face palm. Below it is:
I'm grateful for computers. I'm grateful for my computer. I'm grateful for technological advancements. I'm grateful for information. I'm grateful for knowledge. I'm grateful for enquiring minds. I'm grateful for the faithful at heart. I'm grateful for God. You never fail to knock me down, and kick me back into gear when it's time to stop being a whimp. One of the best friendships of my life. I'm grateful for my mother. She is the best. Such women are so few. This woman is a saint. No, even better, because she's real, and she's all mine. I'm grateful for my brother being well in general, and having someone to regulate his life, because I think he needs that interference. I'm grateful for central heating. I'm grateful for warm water to bathe in. I'm grateful for copper hair. I'm grateful for shiny eyes. I'm grateful for good immunity. I'm grateful for optimism. I'm grateful for heart. I'm grateful for seeing-eye dogs. I'm grateful for animalhood. I'm grateful for protectors of animalhood. I'm grateful for Prague. I'm grateful for Beirut. Beirut, I love you. I'm grateful for medicine. I'm grateful for medical science. I'm grateful for compassionate priests. I'm grateful for raincoats. I'm grateful for beds. I'm grateful for sleep. I'm grateful for out-of-this-world dreams at night. I'm grateful for longing. I'm grateful for love. I'm grateful for loss. It is due to these things that we know we are natural, and that we have tried to achieve something better than ourselves. I'm grateful for toothbrushes. I'm grateful for antibacterial soap. I love soap. I'm grateful for friendly people who smile on the metro. I'm grateful for good writers. I'm grateful for Jane Eyre. I've gotten to like this book as a friend. I'm grateful for Charlotte Bronte. I'm grateful for my teachers, at school, conservatories, and university. I'm grateful for interesting subjects to learn at university. I'm grateful for reformers. I'm grateful for Nelsen Mandela. I'm grateful for Abraham Lincoln. I'm grateful for Vaclav Havel. I'm grateful for Namesti Miru. I'm grateful for the Malastrana. I'm grateful for Jana Masarika. I'm grateful for Christmas cookies. I'm grateful for baklava. I'm grateful for Lebanese food. I'm grateful for the hotness of Lebanese women. I'm grateful for the funny quirks of Lebanese people. I'm grateful for the hot-bloodedness of Lebanese men. I'm grateful for Bali, and the Philippines, the friendly places of the world to go to. I'm grateful for aeroplanes. I'm grateful for travel. I'm grateful for past-life regression therapy. I'm grateful for hypnosis. I'm grateful for huggable girls. I'm grateful for huggable guys. I'm grateful for pets. I'm grateful for lizards. I'm grateful for clitorises. I'm grateful for attentive readers. I'm grateful for active listeners. I'm grateful for oceans, and water. I'm grateful for sensitive, precognitive sorts. I'm grateful for people who make you feel like you can be yourself. Because everyone can be themselves. It's just great when people allow you to be that. I'm grateful for good friends. I'm grateful for second chances. I'm grateful for solitude. I'm grateful for Vietnamese food. I'm grateful for the Lewis Carrolls of the world. I'm grateful for teaching. I'm grateful for speech. I'm grateful for communication. I'm grateful for lovers. All lovers are good lovers, because loving is always well. I'm grateful my life has been blessed. God has put a loving hand over my life.
Well, folks, it's been spat out. I am so tired. I'm going to sleep soon, in like half an hour. Two things I'd like to leave you with: a) Remember to always smile, not necessarily the physical mannerism of it, but make room in every day to wear a small but certain spiritual smile. It is a cleansing practice. b) Remember that the only thing you need to give up in order to not be broken is the idea that you are broken to begin with. There are no people in progress, not really. People are wholes. But, for Heaven's sake, just because you're whole doesn't mean you have to be a perfect one.
Last but not least, I am grateful for the readers who reach out to me concerning this blog. I appreciate that you guys take time out of your days to give the content of this blog a glance. And your messages have been really sweet. All of you are from different walks of life, and yet it's striking to me how similar the goals you're all looking to achieve are. Proof of the fact that we are more united than separated, all the time and everywhere we are in the world.
"God does not play dice with the Universe." - Albert Einstein
See you guys, and God bless you.
Signed, your friendly Water Bearer.
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